Monday, February 6, 2012

Big Girl Panties

Lil E and I were checking out at a retail store the other day, and the lady helping us asked E her name.  "I Evelyn", she replied so proud from her stroller.  Being the doting (showoff) mother I am I then asked "Evelyn, do you know what your full name is?" This is after an intense 2 weeks of explaining to her about last and middle names and trying to imbed in her memory her entire 11 syllable name.  My chest puffed up a bit when she said "Yes..." Pride was washing over me.  Here it was, my defining moment showing what a great stay-at-home mom I truly am. 

Look at me world, my 2 year knows her entire 11 syllable name!    What other 2 year old can do this?! Not little Jack Jones or sweet Kate Smith with their short names.  All that Nick Jr. I force her to watch while I craft and blog didn't fry her mind after all.

Then, Evelyn continued her answer with "...Baby Evelyn."  The nice lady and I got a good laugh from that.  How cute is she?! That was happiness I felt.  Next, about 2 seconds after E answered I felt an overwhelming sadness waft over me.  "But...she's not a baby anymore" I thought.  And she isn't.  She uses the potty by herself, she feeds the dogs by herself, and we now have intelligent conversations.  She's gone from my little sleeping, eating, pooping machine to an actual person.

  The poop machine days.  This pic taken on day 3 of life.  Back when she looked just like Joe. 

9 lbs., 10 ounces.  I know 5 month olds that don't weigh that much.  And Yes, I pushed her out.

I'm a big kid now.   

I could not be happier that she's a healthy, happy big girl now, and I love having a little helper that takes direction and wants to emulate my every move; I'm lamenting the loss of my baby girl.  When this child was born, she could not survive without my love, attention, and nuturing.  Now it's all "Stop, Momma!" and "I can do it myself".  It's very rewarding to see her turning into an inquisitive little human, but I'm going to have a pity party for a few days and miss my baby. 

So now that my baby is no longer a baby.  The redundant question I've been asked since E's birth of "When are you having another baby?" seems more reasonable now.  That's it! That's how I'll fix this feeling:  I'll get even more emotional and fat and then have to birth another 10 pound baby (I'm rounding up).  So I sidenote mention this to Joe in the middle of a conversation about our taxes.  Something like this....

Joe: Are we getting a refund this year?

Beth:  Surprisingly yes! I still have to figure out how to handle the moving expenses that were grossed up on your W2.  (Sorry readers, but this is how we actually talk to each other~Accountants married to accountants use the term "true-up" a lot too).  You know how we could get a bigger deduction in the future?

Joe:  How?

Beth:  Not waiting until Evelyn's in kindergarten to have another baby. (More kids=more dependent deductions). 

Awkward silence.

Pretty sure Joe is going "YIPPEEE!!!!! I LOVE BABIES!!!! GIVE ME MORE!!!" in his head.

Joe:  Okay.

And that was it.  My dropping a subtle hint to my husband.  Nothing else said about it.  Pretty sure we then watched The Biggest Loser while eating a ginormous bowl of ice cream.  So I thought our communication was done until his company filed the 10-Q.   Then, the next day I get this text:

Whoa Buddy!  T Your B's (tap your brakes).  I mentioned what I mentioned to get the thought out there and maybe get use to the idea.  I was fine having just one kid.  I'm an only child, my mom is an only child and many many of my friends are only children and we're all pretty awesome.  I pretty much had an anxiety attack for 15 minutes and then and answered his text with "Can we afford a baby right now?" No, we can't.  Actually we probably could, but it would be nice for money to not be tight for a little bit.  And who said anything about wanting a February/March baby?! 

He followed up my response with "I have some arguments for a Feb/Mar baby that we can discuss further tonight."  Yes, I know.  We actually talk to each other like this.  His argument is that with his work schedule (I don't see him for about a month and then he's home for 2 months), it would be "optimal" to have the baby right after Q1 close so he would be able to help out more before year end - which is when I don't see him for 2 months.  He did, however, remind me that since taking over his position he has "created many efficiencies and with the integration of their new reporting software he'll be able to work from home more."  I love it when he dirty talks. 

He then finished it with "But, I see the look on your face right now and I can tell you just aren't ready for another baby yet."  So considerate.  Instead of saying what I was really thinking and feeling I tried to be positive and said "You know, May is 4 months away.  Maybe by then I'll be ready." The man's eyes actually lit up.  He was probably daydreaming of dancing in the field at the beginning of The Sound of Music with the Mavericks and it raining Mike and Ikes.  Puppies and babies are this man's weakness.  But we already have 2 dogs so getting a puppy as a baby substitute is out.

As we told Evelyn to do just a few weeks ago, it's time to put on my big girl panties and get this house in order and get ready for another baby.  Yes, I have decided that there will be a #2.  1 was fine with me, but the happiness the mere thought of having more children brings to my hubby fills me with hope and joy as well.  I still have lots of questions though:

Will I love Evelyn less? Or does the love multiple?  (I can't imagine loving anything as much as I love E)

How will I do it? I can barely handle the one as it is AND I stay home with her. 

How do I make sure I split my time between the kids? I don't want Evie feeling left out or that Mommy loves the baby more.   

If it's a boy - what do I do with the penis?  It honestly freaks me out a bit.

I'm sure that I will figure all this stuff out in time, but some reassurance from the public would be helpful!  Thanks for listening.


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