Thursday, December 29, 2011

2011 is Going Out With a Bang

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!  Evelyn had a wonderful time this year and REALLY appreciates Santa now after he brought her a tricycle!  Santa, how did you know?! ;)  Pictures to come later....but first a totally true story. 

Today was not a good day: 

Episode One (insert Law & Order "dut dut" here)

4am:  Nope, not Evelyn related.  I start coughing......then I cough a little more...then I cough for 3 minutes straight.  So I try taking out my night guard (*insert your laughing here) because they tend to make you salivate more.  No help.  I try about 4 different sleeping positions - no help.  So I get a cherry flavored Halls and stick it between my cheek and teeth and that helps and I finally get to sleep probably around 5:15ish. 

Episode Two (DUT DUT)
7:30am:  I wake up because Joe is leaving for work and Evelyn is placed in bed with me.

My thoughts:
1.  Oh crap, I fell asleep.
2.  Oh good, Evelyn is still watching Bubble Guppies in bed with me. 
3.  Oh crap, it's a school day and we are going to be late.
4.  I'll brush my teeth later.....................I did, I promise.

Everything went well between dropping off and going back home and picking up and then going to lunch with my friend Lauren.

Episode Three (DUT DUT)

I leave lunch with Lauren, get to the highway and get pulled over.  I assumed it was because I was speeding (which I do most of the time).  So I pull over and the officer asked if I knew why I had been pulled over.  So I of course said "No." Here's a quick recap of the rest of the conversation.

Officer:  Did you not see the huge semi truck you passed a minute ago?

Me:  What semi truck?  Did I pass it on the highway?

Officer:  No, you passed it before you got on the highway.

Me:  So, what's the problem?

Officer:  When you were turning right at the stop sign, he was turning right where you were.

Me:  Um, ok.  So we were both turning right...............I don't get it.

Officer:  (sigh)  The last stop sign you stopped at before you got on the highway...

Me:  Got that part.

Officer:  Okay, you turned right and then got on the highway.

Me:  Yep, got it.

Officer:  You turned right and almost got hit by a semi. 

Me:  Where?! (I turn to look back from whence I came)

Officer:  (laughing) You didn't even see him did you?

Me:  I guess not.  But I still don't understand, I think I would see a semi almost about to hit me.  So I was turning right, and he was turning right, but if he was turning right onto the street I was on, how did he almost hit me?

Officer:  Can I see your license, registration, and proof of insurance please?

I give the documentation to the officer and while he goes to his car to make sure I'm not a felon I draw a diagram of the intersection in question because I still don't understand what he's talking about.

(Officer walks back up to my window)
Officer:  Here is all your paperwork back.

Me:  Yea, I still don't get it - I drew this because I'm a visual learner, and I don't understand what I did wrong.

(The officer looks at my drawing)

Officer:  No no nono nononono.  The semi was in front of you. 

Me:  With all due respect, if a semi was in front of me, I would have seen it. 

Officer: (notably frustrated) *sigh.  Okay, the semi was in front of you, but because it's SO big, they have to make wide right turns (I nod and do my "mmhmm" noise).  So to make his wide right turn, he pulled into the LEFT LANE OF THE STREET YOU WERE ON.

Me:  Oh.  Is it legal for him to do that?

Officer:  What?

Me:  Pull into the left lane?  What if someone had taken a right turn onto our street just then?

Officer:  Ma'am, I'm going to let you off with a warning today for Improper Passing.  Please watch out for those semi's in the future.  Have a nice day.

He then practically runs away from my car to his.  What a waste of 15 minutes. 

Episode Four (DUT DUT)

3:00pm:  I decide today is begging for an accomplishment.  So I decide to finish up my Ikea Rast hack project.  So I change clothes, get everything all laid out and go to get the paint.  I go to the paint section of my garage and open the lid of the paint I'm going to use:  A gallon of Ralph Lauren silver paint.  Looking good.  Can't wait to use it and get this project done and I'm gonna feel so good and it's gonna turn my day arou......
My happy thoughts were cut off because I tripped and dropped the entire gallon of paint - keep in mind the lid is off - onto the floor, wall hangings, paintings, and other gallons of paint.  "OHHHH S&*T"

1st Thought: Get a hose and I'll hose everything off and kinda power wash the paint out onto the driveway.

2nd Thought:  That's stupid, you can't rinse cardboard boxes and paintings.  I'll wipe it up with paper towels.  Wait, there is just too much of it.  How can I contain it?!

3rd Thought:  I'll get a crappy plastic cup and scoop the paint into the cup and then take it into the house and rinse it down the drain. 

Yes ladies and gentlemen, that was the winning idea.  So I start to execute it and it is actually working pretty well.  I was shocked.  But there was just so much paint I was able to corral it into the cup pretty easily.  Guess I was so impressed I didn't think to TAKE OFF MY SHOES BEFORE I WENT IN THE HOUSE.  So now there is a trail to the kitchen sink and back that looks silver leafed. 

I finished off the garage clean up with paper towels and only a small of the garage looks silver leafed, and of course, my favorite painting needs some TLC touch up to remove the last of the paint from it.  (I'm hoping nail polish remover does the trick)

Episode Five (DUT DUT)

As I'm taking a carload of stuff to Goodwill, I get a text from Joe that Evelyn was bitten at school.  So I call....

Me:  So, where did she get bitten?

Joe: really aren't going to like this.

Me:  So on the face

Joe:  Yup.

Me:  *enter cricket noise because I'm practicing my 5 deep breaths to calm down

On the face. THE FACE.  Some jealous child is trying to get some of Evelyn's cuteness a mouthful at a time.  Well, it'll take a whole lot of mouthfuls to take the cuteness out of my child. Next conversation between Joe and I....

Me:  Well, how bad is it?

Joe:'s aaaa.......I mean.......You can still see the teeth marks.

Therefore I attach Exhibit A below

The blue circle denotes the area of cuteness discussed previously.
The red circle denotes the area where the offense occurred. 

To be perfectly honest............I know it's not that bad.  Here is a pic of the first bite Evelyn came home with:

That was the worst one she's ever had - her first one from March 2010.  I totally cried and almost took her out of the daycare I was so upset.  Then the next week she bit somebody and I felt awful and got over it.

Poor E.  She's definitely been the victim more than the aggressor.  But I definitely would rather be the parent of the bitee than the biter.  You DO NOT want your kid to be the biter.  Through a lot of recon and powers of deduction, Candace and I figured out who the biter was at E's Dallas daycare.  Candace's daughter Rebekah goes to the same school E did and Rebekah was a recurring victim.  Let me tell you.........It's always the quiet ones. 

Anyway, the biting incident took me totally offguard because I thought a class of 2 year olds had outgrown the biting.  Joe asked what happened to make this other child bite Evelyn and he was told the other child was loving and hugging on Evelyn and then all of the sudden she bit her face!  Sociopath.

Episode Six (DUT DUT)
7:30 pm:  While crouching to hang up Joe's pants in the closet, the crotch of my only semi-still fitting pair of jeans rips.  Awesometown.

Episode Seven (DUT DUT)
9:50pm:  Mavs lose their fifth game in a row; tonight was the third game of the regular season. 

In conclusion, when it rains, it pours; but tomorrow is another day. 


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